You Wish (Mini Blog Edition)

Let's all pretend for just a second that everything we learned in elementary school from our mommies and daddies is actually true.  Now that we've played pretend for that one second, I'll go ahead and break the news to you: IT'S NOT.  If a boy calls you names and is nothing but mean to you, he doesn't like you, regardless of what you believed between the ages of 5 and 12.

I will start this out as nicely and as truthfully as I can.  I genuinely believe that if you love yourself and the way you dress and act, then nothing anyone says to you should sway you from being that way.  That being said, there is a HUGE difference between having a positive attitude and being straight up delusional.

We all learned growing up that if someone makes fun of you, it's 100% because they are jealous of you and that's it.  Period.  They want to be you and they want everything you have and that is the sole purpose that they have anything negative to say about you.  Wrong.  Wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong.  That is only true about .00001% of the time, at least that's the way it is in girl world.  I cannot tell you how many times I have died laughing when I see someone saying "Oh it's just because they're jealous."  I realize that it's a coping mechanism, and it's all that some people have, but if you like yourself then you shouldn't give two poops whether or not someone is jealous of you.  Some people go out in public looking like a legitimate circus clown mixed with a street walker and can't understand why people make fun of them.  "They're jealous that I look like I could fit right in with the Ringling Brothers and every prostitute in the gross part of Harlem at the same time!"  No one is jealous of that, I can assure you. 

I constantly get scrutinized for being too skinny.  Too bad for everyone else that I have zero control over how much I weigh since I have a real thyroid problem and not a made up one.  But guess what?  I absolutely love being this thin, even though I do wish I could gain enough weight to get a little junk in my trunk ;D  So people can make fun of me all they want, and it honestly doesn't phase me.  No, I don't think everyone is jealous of me and no, I don't think everyone wants to be me.  I just so happen to like myself enough that I don't need everyone else to like me too <3

Cheese and cake and cheesecake!
Jillian.

Sloppy and Shameless

First off, I'M SO SORRY I haven't written since April.  The world got in my way, and I let it knock my feet out from under me.  The good news is that I think I've gathered enough ammunition over the summer to shoot you guys a couple of really swell blogs.  So let's see how well I keep my word this time!

Due to the constant teasing/torture I endured all throughout elementary, middle and high school, I managed to build up a great personality (if I do say so myself ;D).  I'm very easy going, super down to earth, as energetic as they come, and pretty much the single most ridiculous person you will ever have the pleasure to meet.  Also, you cannot embarrass me.  I mean that in all seriousness.  If I do something stupid, I will be the first to call myself out for it.  In doing so, I have now taken away any power anyone could have over me in that sense.  You're probably thinking "Oh okay, so that sounds pretty easy."  Yeah, until you hear some of the situations I've gotten myself into.

There's a very classy young lady in me, I SWEAR.  She just so happens to be hidden under a massive pile of things that you think only happen to people on reality shows.  MTV would make a pretty penny off of me, considering I act like a legitimate fool on a daily basis for free.  If they would only send some cameras my way...

But seriously.  If you don't actually know me, you probably think I am just a drunken train wreck.  Too bad that's not true.  I frequent the same bars and clubs on a regular basis because I am a 21 year old college student, and that's what we do.  I remember when no one knew who I was, and now I can't turn a corner without hearing someone gossiping about me.  The really funny part of this is that most of the things they say are true, which kills me because they think they are really just getting me good when actually I was just telling that story not even 5 minutes before.  I think my favorite was when I went out a few weeks after my 21st birthday.  I was waiting in line for the bathroom at my favorite bar when I hear some girls choking to death and pointing at me.  I just kind of looked at them with my big ol eyes because I was trying to come up with my plan of helping them not die since they were clearly in some sort of trouble with all their coughing.  Oh but no, they were laughing really attractively.  Thank Jesus.  Anyway, they started saying something about me peeing in a parking lot or something on my birthday.  I would have just been like "Whatevz." but they were going over the top with it.  So I loudly say "OH, are you referring to how I stayed the night with my boyfriend the night of my 21st birthday and peed all over him while I was blacked out while we were sleeping in his sister's bed?  If that's what you were talking about, then get your story straight next time."  Then some guy with dreadlocks high fived me.  Like, whatever.  It happened and I honestly think it's disgustingly trashy and gross, but it's too funny not to tell people. 

I also like meeting new people that know me, but I don't know them.  There's always that point in the conversation where they go "Okay, I have GOT to ask you about this to see if it's true..."  Yep, it probably is, and I'm okay with that.  I feel like a small town tabloid celebrity and it gives me the giggles.  I'd rather be the way I am than be completely boring, because then I would be lonely.  Everyone wants to hang out with a crazy girl, but with crazy usually comes actual craziness.  Thank baby Jesus I'm just a hot mess when I drink AND that I'm a happy slop when I drink.  No problems over in this neck of the woods.  I think I actually have a good thing going for me, because I've honestly never been as happy as I've been since I decided I just legitimately couldn't care less about anyone who tries to bring me down.  I also appreciate my decision to put people on blast when they piss me off, since 9 times out of 10 I do nothing to bring it on myself.  Believe it or not, that usually brings me closer to that person because they decide really quickly that I'm not a good enemy to have since I'm no fun to fight with because I just make everyone look stupid, and I'm not even about to go causing a scene in public.  I actually do kind of wish someone would show up at my house trying to fight me though.  If I knew they were coming, I would honestly dress up in full indian gear and meet them at their car door with my dad's bow and arrow pointed directly at their throat.  No one wants to f**k with a skinny girl dressed like a Native America, no siree. 

I forgot what I even started writing about.  This whole blog was crap, and I'm sorry for that.  I just needed a little warm up.  Promise the next one will be better!

Pancakes and pandas!
Jillian.