I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE YELLING ABOUT

I don't like to beat around the bush, nor do I like to play childish games.  I have no control over what anyone does except me, myself, and I.  Now that I've said that, on to the main point of this blog.

Why would you ever intentionally start an argument with someone?  Especially by saying "You know what you did" or "You know why I'm mad at you".  Nope, can't say that I do.  And now that you started off the conversation like that, I immediately stopped caring about whatever it is you are trying to argue with me about.  I am a little bit too busy to sit around and play guessing games with you, so how about we just skip that whole segment and you just tell me what's bothering you? 

What's even worse than this though, is when someone isn't actually smart enough to continue the argument that they started and they start pulling random insults out of the air and throwing them at you.  "I am so mad at you for going to the movies without me!"  "Well, you didn't answer my call when I told you we were leaving."  "You look like a turd with a Jew nose!"  Yeah okay.  That makes a ton of sense.  That's not a real thing that's happened, but I mean I wouldn't be surprised if it really did.  I actually kind of like arguing with idiots though because their face gets all red and they start stomping around and sweating and I'm laughing on the inside.  I also like when someone tries to argue with me over something they do not even know the smallest bit of information about.  "Hi, I'm Jill.  My mom is a Nurse Practitioner, so I have a marginal knowledge about the medical field."  "Hey Jill, did you know that you can't get the chicken pox more than once?"  "Oh, actually you can.  That's just an old wives tale."  "NOPE YOU CAN'T BECAUSE MY NEIGHBOR'S CAT TOLD ME SO.  AND YOU LOOK LIKE A TURD WITH A JEW NOSE."  Kind of going along with this, I also like it when someone tries to agree with everything I say just to seem smart, which I catch onto and then decide to mindfk them.  I'll say a bunch of facts and then one big fat lie and they're all "Omg yahhh! That's sooo right!"  Like this one time I was talking to my friends from high school and I started making up some random situation just to see what they would say and they were like "Ohhh I remember that!  That was so crazy!"  Yeah, that would have been so crazy if it would have actually happened, which it didn't.

Arguments are one thing, but fights are not for me.  If anyone ever told me they were going to fight me, I would either A) Get a baseball bat and knock them out. B) Spray them with my pepper spray, then get a baseball bat and knock them out.  or C) Call my dad, who would bring a baseball bat to knock them out.  But really, fighting is so trashy, especially girl fights.  I hate watching them because whoever is actually fighting just looks like a big dumb spider monkey swinging their arms all over the place.  Although, this one time in high school...and this really happened by the way.  These two 'bigger' girls got into it outside the cafeteria.  They were kind of just hopping around in a circle while everyone was standing around waiting for something to happen.  Then we all got the shock of our lives.  One of the girls (who never really moved much, let alone displayed any sort of athletic ability) straight up scissor kicked the other girl in the chest.  Oh. Man.  I'm pretty sure I dislocated my jaw when I saw that, because I didn't think anyone actually knew how to scissor kick, let alone would think to whip out that move in the Quad after lunch.  The fight was pretty much over after that, but I will never forget the majesty and awe I felt afterward.  (I actually forgot about that whole situation until I started writing this blog, but that last little sentence spiced things up a bit, so oh well).

Margaritas and rock candy!
-Jillian.

I Hope You Choke

A lot of little things annoy me.  A LOT.  Examples being people tapping their feet, people popping their gum, people drumming with their pencils like they are Ringo Starr or some sh!t like that, people sniffling instead of blowing their noses, people breathing too loudly, people who burp constantly, people who make as much noise as humanly possible with whatever they are doing, people who text during movies, people who smell bad...the list is literally endless.  However.  If I had to choose one thing that I could put at the top of the list of things that make me want to strangle about 89% of people on the planet...*drum roll*...

THE WAY PEOPLE EAT.  OH. MY. GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.

I absolutely cannot stand people who eat loudly, chew with their mouths open, make smacking noises, slurp their drinks/soups, and people who eat like they haven't eaten in 400 years and are literally starving to death and must eat as quickly and loudly as humanly possible.

My least favorite place to go on the earth is the movie theater, because I always get stuck by everyone who is eating their first meal in months, everyone who is chewing gum with their big mouths gaping open, and everyone who insists on gnawing on every last ice cube in their drink, but they still have to shake the whole cup so that all the ice spills on their face and makes the sound of an avalanche every 3 or so seconds.  If I never went to the movies again, I would be completely okay with that.  I have found myself in so many situations where I am so blind with rage by the time the movie ends over some person crunching on popcorn and shredding their FKN NOISY BAG of Twizzlers that I literally couldn't begin to tell you what the plot of the whole movie was, or even what movie I was there to see in the first place.  GET IT TOGETHER YOU HEATHENS.

God must have really been testing my patience today, because he was being a mischievous little trickster towards me.  I got to my nutrition class tonight at 6 and saw a heaping pile of random food on the table by the door.  I really should have just left right then and there, but I'm trying to be a good student -_-  Anyway, so guess what nutrition class was today?!  EVERYONE GOT TO EAT THE LOUDEST FOOD KNOWN TO MAN.  And guess who I sit by?  THE FATTEST PERSON IN THE CLASS THAT ALWAYS HAS TWO SMOOTHIES FROM SMOOTHIE KING AND ABSOLUTELY MUST BASICALLY SUCK THE CUP THROUGH THE STRAW EVEN WHEN THE DRINK HAS BEEN LONG GONE AND FORGOTTEN BY EVERYONE ELSE BUT HIM.  I have nothing against fat people, but the fact that he is such a chunk and always has something in his mouth really makes me want to tell him to look in the mirror and decide if he really needs to inhale every last drop of that Hulk Chocolate (trademark ;D) Smoothie.  Oh, and he's a desk pencil drummer.  Go freaking figure.

So that's how my night went.  Listening to Tubbly eat about 4 helpings of all 50 different foods we had in the room.  If I had fingernails, I would have clawed my eyeballs out so someone would have had to call an ambulance to come save me.  I actually even thought about pretending to be allergic to something in one of those cakes so that I could dramatically run out of the room and get the hell out of that dungeon of torture. 

Funny enough, I'm actually too polite to tell anyone to stfu while they are eating, but don't think for one second I won't yell at someone in the theater for eating their Nestle Crunch like a damn beaver chawing down on a log.  Think about the people around you for 2.5 seconds, and how they might actually want to hear something other than the sound of bricks getting ground to dust.  And if you scrape your effing plate or bowl with a knife, fork, spoon, spork, chopstick, fingernail, tooth, anything...so help me God if I don't break it over your head.

Quiet pudding and any other silent food you can think of.
-Jillian.

Of Mice and Men

The number one problem that people face in relationships is asking too much of each other.  I can't speak from a man's point of view, but I can tell you what the typical girl thinks of when she imagines her "perfect guy".  Girls want their man to be there 100% of the time that she wants him around.  Girls want to go out on expensive dates every single night, and be showered with lavish presents every time they turn a corner.  Girls want guys to ditch their friends and family to come be around who the girl wants them to surround themselves with.  Any guy who would do this for a girl is completely immature, and any girl that would expect this from a guy is nuts.

Everyone has heard the saying about "accepting someone for what they are and not trying to change them".  Well this is absolutely wonderful advice.  A relationship isn't supposed to completely change your whole entire world, it's supposed to supplement the life you already lead.  If you meet a guy and absolutely hate his friends, it is not going to work.  I'm not saying you have to be BFF's with them and have slumber parties with them and gossip and giggle, but you do need to tolerate them and actually enjoy being around them since they aren't going anywhere.  Same goes for guys.  Girls tend to be MUCH pickier about their friend's new boyfriend, and probably aren't going to be nice until you prove that you deserve it.  That's just how it works.  That means guys, you have a lot of good impressions to make!  Even more important than friends are parents.  If you are on good terms with your parents and they aren't on board with the relationship, you might as well not even try to continue it. 

I really think more people should appreciate experiences rather than material things.  The way my brain works is that I immediately think of how much thought went into something rather than how big the price tag is.  If someone bought me a freakishly expensive dinner and then gave me some huge diamond necklace or something, I guarantee you they spent more time worrying about how much all this was going to cost rather than how much I would actually like it.  I would much rather get a handwritten letter in the mail or have a guy surprise me at my house with a picnic basket and tell me that we were going to have lunch in my backyard.  THAT is what would make an impact on me.  Of course spending a little money here and there isn't awful, but you certainly shouldn't break the bank on a daily basis.

Another thing I think people don't hold in high enough regards is first impressions.  I always let people know exactly what I'm about and I don't try to tailor my interests just to impress them.  Of course finding a common bond is a plus, but find more than one.  Running out of things to talk about is terrible and awkward and can completely ruin something that could have been great.  But if the spark just isn't there, then don't try to force it.

Above everything else, trust is the single most important thing in any friendship or relationship that you could ever hope to have.  You should trust others enough to know that you can talk to them about anything.  You should trust others enough to make the best decisions in any situation and not have to question their every move.  You should trust others to always give you all of themselves, and you should accept them at their best and worst.  Most importantly, you should trust yourself in your decision to be with someone and treat them like you would want to be treated. 

Never promise someone something you can't give them, and don't promise something you are unsure of or unwilling to do.  Never promise anything when the relationship is at its best, and never make a decision about the relationship with it's at its worst.  Never promise you won't argue over small differences or that you will never ever forget to call.  Never promise to be perfect, because no one can be that.  Just promise to try your very best, because that's all anyone should ever ask for.

Kittens and kisses.
-Jillian.

Hippo Crazy

I am pretty self aware, even thought it may seem like I'm not.  One thing that I try my most very hardest not to be is a hypocrite.

I have a handful of enemies on this planet that no matter what they said or did to try and change that, I would never have them as my friend because the way they have treated me is unforgivable.  This is saying a lot, since I forgive everyone entirely too easily.  Even though I consider a few people my enemies, the way I choose to handle myself around them is to just pretend like they aren't even there.  If I went to a restaurant and they were my waiter, it wouldn't make one bit of a difference to me.  I would just treat them as if I didn't know them.  What I can't stand, is when someone that knows we are not on good terms chooses to pretend like they have no idea about this.  I've had many situations where a few of these people run up to me and give me a huge hug like we are best friends forever.  I ask them to please leave me alone, and I walk away.  Some of them have texted me.  I politely ask them to delete my number out of their phones.  Some of my friends are actually friends with these people, and I don't care.  They don't talk about them, and neither do I.  If they bring them up in conversation, I just smile and nod and then change the subject.  I respect them enough to not run my mouth about them, but I also have no intention of ever making any attempt what so ever to try and have a friendship with them.

All that being said, I hate when people in my life pride themselves on being "bad asses" who do nothing but bad mouth everyone that isn't them or the people in the room with them.  What I hate more than that though is when someone "hates" someone so much that they "hope they die", and then a few days later they are best friends forever.  I'm not saying that people can't change or fix their past problems, but to go from such polar opposites is a little extreme to me.  That's why I try not to say I hate anyone, because I really don't.  I hate people's actions, and I hate the way people behave, but I don't hate any human. 

A lot of people don't actually know half the things they should about me.  I have many more problems in my life than I let on to, because the majority of them are in the past but still affect me and have shaped who I am today.  If anyone has a reason to hate anyone, it would be me.  The VERY few people who know what I'm referring to agree with me, and honestly can't see why I don't hate these people who have done certain things to me.  These very few people also know that I have a huge heart and want nothing more than to help all the people I can, and hating them wouldn't be conducive to either of those things.  I honestly to try to be as nice as I can be, regardless of how it may seem.  I don't go preaching about everything nice I do though, because that defeats the purpose.  It gets hard to keep quiet about it though when people try and call me out on it. 

I try to keep in mind that no one is perfect and everyone has flaws, and maybe these hypocrites have no idea how they are coming across to others, just as I'm sure I do things that make me look like a hypocrite.  I'm trying to be more tolerant and patient when it comes to things like this, but changing takes a little bit of time.

Ice cream and waffle cones.
-Jillian.

Equal Shmequal

Everyone knows the historic truth that men are allowed to sleep around, and women aren't.  Hey Mr. Friend, you've slept with everyone in the tri-county area? GOOD FOR YOU!  *Fist pumps for hours*  Little Lady, you lost your virginity to your boyfriend of 4 years and then had a one night stand a month after you broke up?  BOO YOU WHORE.  *Shunned by everyone she has ever known*

Am I right, or am I right?  Okay, that was a bitty bit of an exaggeration, but you guys know what I'm getting at.

Anyway, back to the complaining.  This is not a new problem that many of us have encountered, and if you think you haven't seen it in action, you are lying to yourself.  Currently, I am dealing with this, because everything is going wrong in my life right now.  Case in point: I have been single for two weeks and 3 days.  I have gone on about 6 dates and let some gentlemen pay for my food.  I haven't kissed a single person, held anyone's hand, and barely given a two-armed hug to anyone without boobs.  The world being as it is, I am currently under fire for trying to move on.  What exactly am I supposed to do?  Sit in my room all day and write sad love songs and cry big cartoon tears and carve broken hearts into the walls?  I don't think so, jerk.  On the flip side, He Who Shall Not Be Named is posting all over everything that he is "putting his penis into anything with a hole." (Actual quote from an actual text...not my words).  How do I know this?  Because my phone is constantly vibrating with news of what he is doing in his life.  How is this relevant to me as of now?  I'll tell you how, it's not. 

BACK TO THE POINT.  Promise I won't get off track again <3

I am a single 21 year old woman who enjoys a nice guy with a stiff..................drink.  How am I doing anything wrong or abnormal to what someone in my position is supposed to do?  I actually think I am handling myself pretty well considering that over 100 male persons (yes I counted, and that is a real number) are currently texting my phone asking me for sexy play time.  Don't ask me how half of them got my number, because I have no earthly idea. 

I got off track again.  Forgive me 8 pound 6 ounce baby Jesus.

I don't think it is attractive or becoming of a person when I find out that they have slept with 98% of the people I have ever met in my whole entire life.  Honestly, I don't see why anyone would even want that.  And actually, now that I think about it, I don't see why anyone would praise someone for being like that.  I feel really bad for girls who are victims to boys who chose to try to sleep with everyone they can get their hands on.  Sure you feel special for the couple minutes of the awkward, sweaty, animal nastiness that takes place, but afterward all you really are is just a notch in his bedpost.  So now you ask me, "Jillian, what if this exact situation happened to me and now we are dating?!  You are wrong lady friend!"  Guess what.  Once a man bear pig whore, always a man bear pig whore.  I'm not saying people can't change, but God knows they don't change overnight, unless you are living in a Nicholas Sparks novel.  Which you probably aren't.  It is a super nice thought though, and you know what?  If you are the rare case who found your soul mate this way, then I am genuinely happy for the both of you.  Actually, I am happy for EVERYONE who has a wonderful relationship full of love and trust and truthfulness.  (There I go bringing up my trust issues again -_- )  I wish we were all that lucky.  I guess what I'm trying to say with all this is even though it's not okay to be a whore, women should be accepted as being allowed to be just as big of slutty sluts as men are.  So to all you women:  Whore around if you want, and don't give a damn what people say when they call you out on it.  If they do call you out on it, just tell me, and I'll write a blog about them ;D

Just don't be silly, wrap your willy!
Jello shots and sugar cookies <3
-Jillian.

Extreme Makeover: Home (Wrecker) Edition

Contrary to popular belief, all women are not home wreckers.  Even more contrary to even more popular belief, not all single women want your measly boyfriend.

I have been constantly dealing with this for the past 3 or 4 years, and now that I'm newly single, I am now the target of even more drama and accusations that have zero relevance to me or my life.  I won't mention specific examples to protect what little integrity any of these people have left, but I will get pretty darn close to it.

I have no control over what people say to me, whether it be in person, on facebook, over text messages, by carrier pigeon, in airplane exhaust written across the sky, by message peed into the snow, anything.  If you are a man who tells me you are single, your facebook says you are single, you have no pictures with you and another girl...what exactly is supposed to lead me to believe you actually have a secret girlfriend?  So, that being said, why accuse me of trying to break up you and your boyfriend whenever he is the one being massively inappropriate to me?  To make matters better, I don't even respond to people who are married or dating someone, because I'm not all about trying to make everything with a penis be mine and only mine. 

Now that I got that off my chest...

Going along with the above statement, I have always had an inner debate on what the right thing to do in this situation would be: Say a man who is married or dating someone seriously or casually straight up asks you to sleep with them?  My first instinct is to punch them in the wiener and call their wife/girlfriend and tell on them.  BUT.  Guess what?  The wife/girlfriend doesn't look at you like the savior of her from a horrible person, or even as a nice human being.  She looks at you like a home wrecker who is rubbing it in her face that her man is trying to run around behind her back.  And then guess what she does?  She goes right back to her fellow because that's all she knows how to do.  I know some girls are crazy and fabricate stories and try to make it look like some guy they want is cheating on his girlfriend, but if there is cold hard evidence of multiple text messages or emails or facebook IM's from your beloved Mr. Nice Guy, seriously?!  You can't not believe that...

Which is why I decided a long time ago to just press the delete button as soon as anything like that happens.  People make mistakes.   I give most guys the benefit of the doubt and tell myself that they are either totally wasted from taking 357 shots of Jager or that someone has hacked into their account and tried to ruin their lives.  I like to think that's what happens, anyway.  Beware though, because if your girlfriend asks me if you've ever tried to come onto me, I'll tell her the cold hard truth, because that is exactly what I would want someone to do for me.  But I'm that rare breed of girl who would actually look into something like that if someone ever brought it to my attention instead of immediately dismissing it as some insane whore just trying to break me and whoever up...but then again I also have trust issues, but that's a whole 'nother blog that will be written later ;)

Unicorns and sweet tea to everyone!
-Jillian.

I Came...............to the World of Blogging

So I really hope people read this thing since I'm taking the time to write it.

As probably all the people who are reading this know, I do a lot of facebooking, and I need somewhere else to do my ranting besides my statuses, since 420 characters is not nearly enough space for me to gripe.
I want you guys to ask for my opinions on things.  I want you guys to ask me what I think and how I see the world.  I want you guys to interact with me as much as possible, since I would really like to write a good long post every day.  I also promise to try my VERY hardest to only write on here once a day, since y'all know how much I like to talk ;D  Anyway, this first post will be a little addition to a pretty popular status I posted earlier today, so here goes nothing.

"Why in the world would you EVER take advice from someone who is widely known to be nothing more than a trashy idiot who can't keep anyone in their life for more than a week?  Words of wisdom for the day: If someone's life is a complete trainwreck, clearly they can't handle themselves, so why let them handle you too?" 

That's the status I posted earlier today (technically yesterday now since it's almost 2am, but I'm still awake, so whatever) that everyone seemed to agree with and what not.  Standing up for myself has always been a major part of my life.  I don't mean in the sense that I feel the need to try and justify everything I do to everyone, but I do feel the need to stick to my morals.  I am one of the most open minded people you will ever meet, that is for sure.  I am also one of the nicest, contrary to popular belief.  I pride myself in being a great friend to everyone that will have me as one.  SO, this little set up leads me to my main annoyance I was trying to get across with that status.  If you are having problems in your life, why would you seek advice from someone who cannot keep themselves in check for more than about 15 minutes at a time?  And on the flip side, if you are certifiably insane, why in God's name would you think you are in any position to be giving advice to ANYONE?  You have to fix yourself before you can fix anyone else.  This is something I've been dealing with the past few weeks.  Being the good friend that I am, I like to give advice, and from what I hear I'm pretty good at it, or at least I must be because people keep asking for it ;)  Anyway, I haven't been at my full potential these past couple of weeks, and still am not, but I'm trying my very best to get back there.  I like to help people and would never ever ever intentionally lead someone down the wrong path, even if they were my worst enemy.  Needless to say, it's really the hardest thing for me to have to stand back and watch someone run their life into the ground knowing that I could possibly do something to help them.  This is another problem I have: trying to help those who don't want to be helped.  There is a difference between someone who doesn't want to be helped and someone who is hard to help.  I like a good challenge, but I can't fathom the idea that someone wouldn't listen to good advice when it's staring them in the face.  I've always been good at removing myself from my situations and making level headed decisions, and I like to help other people try and do that.  I practice what I preach, is what I'm trying to say.  Basically, if I had to sum all of this up...I like to help people, I can't stand when someone won't let me help them, but I can't stand it more when people purposely ruin other's lives.  Hopefully things will get better for me and for my friends and for Japan and the world and dogs and all that.  Everything needs to just get back to being normal, because I'm tired of this feeling in my stomach that something really bad is always about to happen.  I'm out of things to say for now, so hopefully this post wasn't a complete disaster.

Love and puppies and cupcakes and whatever else makes you happy.
-Jillian.