I Hope You Choke

A lot of little things annoy me.  A LOT.  Examples being people tapping their feet, people popping their gum, people drumming with their pencils like they are Ringo Starr or some sh!t like that, people sniffling instead of blowing their noses, people breathing too loudly, people who burp constantly, people who make as much noise as humanly possible with whatever they are doing, people who text during movies, people who smell bad...the list is literally endless.  However.  If I had to choose one thing that I could put at the top of the list of things that make me want to strangle about 89% of people on the planet...*drum roll*...

THE WAY PEOPLE EAT.  OH. MY. GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.

I absolutely cannot stand people who eat loudly, chew with their mouths open, make smacking noises, slurp their drinks/soups, and people who eat like they haven't eaten in 400 years and are literally starving to death and must eat as quickly and loudly as humanly possible.

My least favorite place to go on the earth is the movie theater, because I always get stuck by everyone who is eating their first meal in months, everyone who is chewing gum with their big mouths gaping open, and everyone who insists on gnawing on every last ice cube in their drink, but they still have to shake the whole cup so that all the ice spills on their face and makes the sound of an avalanche every 3 or so seconds.  If I never went to the movies again, I would be completely okay with that.  I have found myself in so many situations where I am so blind with rage by the time the movie ends over some person crunching on popcorn and shredding their FKN NOISY BAG of Twizzlers that I literally couldn't begin to tell you what the plot of the whole movie was, or even what movie I was there to see in the first place.  GET IT TOGETHER YOU HEATHENS.

God must have really been testing my patience today, because he was being a mischievous little trickster towards me.  I got to my nutrition class tonight at 6 and saw a heaping pile of random food on the table by the door.  I really should have just left right then and there, but I'm trying to be a good student -_-  Anyway, so guess what nutrition class was today?!  EVERYONE GOT TO EAT THE LOUDEST FOOD KNOWN TO MAN.  And guess who I sit by?  THE FATTEST PERSON IN THE CLASS THAT ALWAYS HAS TWO SMOOTHIES FROM SMOOTHIE KING AND ABSOLUTELY MUST BASICALLY SUCK THE CUP THROUGH THE STRAW EVEN WHEN THE DRINK HAS BEEN LONG GONE AND FORGOTTEN BY EVERYONE ELSE BUT HIM.  I have nothing against fat people, but the fact that he is such a chunk and always has something in his mouth really makes me want to tell him to look in the mirror and decide if he really needs to inhale every last drop of that Hulk Chocolate (trademark ;D) Smoothie.  Oh, and he's a desk pencil drummer.  Go freaking figure.

So that's how my night went.  Listening to Tubbly eat about 4 helpings of all 50 different foods we had in the room.  If I had fingernails, I would have clawed my eyeballs out so someone would have had to call an ambulance to come save me.  I actually even thought about pretending to be allergic to something in one of those cakes so that I could dramatically run out of the room and get the hell out of that dungeon of torture. 

Funny enough, I'm actually too polite to tell anyone to stfu while they are eating, but don't think for one second I won't yell at someone in the theater for eating their Nestle Crunch like a damn beaver chawing down on a log.  Think about the people around you for 2.5 seconds, and how they might actually want to hear something other than the sound of bricks getting ground to dust.  And if you scrape your effing plate or bowl with a knife, fork, spoon, spork, chopstick, fingernail, tooth, anything...so help me God if I don't break it over your head.

Quiet pudding and any other silent food you can think of.
-Jillian.