The Endless Summer

I'm usually a very bright and happy person, but I'm also always very easily upset and I take most things extremely personally.  During the spring time, I had several events take place that really changed my life and the way I looked at the relationships I had with the people around me.  I started being extremely cautious and almost reclusive because I was so scared to let anyone get to me.  Being the Positive Polly that I am, that didn't last for long.  At the beginning of the summer, I had another ridiculous situation happen that was pretty much the final straw for me.  I decided then and there that I would stop expecting everyone to treat me the way that I treat them and not be so sure that everyone was as true as they came across as.  Best decision I've ever made.

You may think this is selfish of me, and you are absolutely right.  I've lived my whole life putting others before me, and all of my close friends and family know how true this is.  I try to always be a great person to everyone, regardless of whether or not they can do the least bit of good for me at any point in my life.  I decided that I was going to have a great summer, and no one was going to stop me.  There are about 2 weeks left of summer vacation, and I have done an OUTSTANDING job of keeping this promise to myself, and honestly I am about as happy as I've ever been.

In some ways, I know that I'm cutting myself short.  I am not letting people get to me nearly as much as I used to, and my emotional state has improved tremendously.  I feel like since I've pretty much removed all of my emotions from all of my friendships that I really have nothing to lose.  I've been more upfront and honest with everyone, and taken chances that I would have been too afraid to take before.  I met hundreds of new people doing tons of new things that I never would have gotten to do if I wouldn't have adopted this new mindset.  Most importantly of all, I've done things that truly make me happy, even if it's just for the moment.  I stopped saying no to things that were new or different.  I became a "yes" girl, and it has made this summer 100% unforgettable.

I feel like the friends I previously had are now closer to me, the new friends I made got the best of me, and the old friends who came back into my life regretted leaving in the first place.  The people who have done me so much wrong (especially within the last year) got HUGE reality checks, and karma sure showed them who's boss.  I try not to get too much joy out of other's misery, but when it's deserved as much as this, you can't help but smile a little bit :P

All in all, I wouldn't change one bitty bit of anything that has happened to me this summer, even though it was nowhere near perfect.  I have had the craziest of the crazy things happen to me, and have missed out on too many hours of sleep to even try to estimate.  I've gotten ridiculously sunburnt, as mosquito bitten as you possibly could be, blackout drunk, almost kidnapped, and stranded on the side of the road.  I've woken up in so many strange places wearing the weirdest combination of clothes imaginable.  I love every bit of all of this madness that I've endured and I would do it all again in a heartbeat.  I just hope these next two weeks can live up to my expectations that have been set by the previous two months <3

Magic tricks and watermelon :]
Jillian.

Lions and Tigers and Bears

I love animals.  I love all animals.  I love every animal ever.  I am actually obsessed with animals.  Obsessed to the point that even when I see a ratty looking dog that's probably about to bite me, I'm still going to run up and kiss it on the mouth.  I cry when I see the Humane Society commercials on tv, and I get beyond pissed when someone has kittens or puppies and they don't invite me over to see them.  If you don't get the point already, then I don't think I can help you understand it.

All I have asked of every boyfriend I've ever had is that they please take me to the zoo.  That's all I want.  Guess how many times I've been taken to the zoo?  ZERO.  I just want to go see the fkn zoo creatures and no one will take me.  This has been going on since I was 16.  I'll be 22 in less than 2 months.  That's a LONG time to want something so simple.  It costs like, $15 to go to the zoo, and I've even offered to drive.  I've thought about going by myself, but I genuinely think I would try to climb into the tiger pit if I didn't have someone there to control me.  I've been straight up about how I'm gonna act when I finally go: Retarded.  Pretty much, whoever brings me to the zoo is going to get a lot of pats on the back and prayers from grandmothers because everyone is going to think that they took me out of the mental institution for the day so that I could go to the zoo.  They're going to look like a saint to everyone who sees us. 

I honestly think people are just embarrassed to be seen with me in most situations, especially those involving animals.  I get huge cartoon eyes with a big blue tear drop when I see birds in my yard, so you don't even want to know how I'm going to behave when I finally get to go to the damn zoo.  Now I'm getting mad just thinking about it.  I can't even discuss this any further.

ZOO ANIMALS.
Jillian.

You Wish (Mini Blog Edition)

Let's all pretend for just a second that everything we learned in elementary school from our mommies and daddies is actually true.  Now that we've played pretend for that one second, I'll go ahead and break the news to you: IT'S NOT.  If a boy calls you names and is nothing but mean to you, he doesn't like you, regardless of what you believed between the ages of 5 and 12.

I will start this out as nicely and as truthfully as I can.  I genuinely believe that if you love yourself and the way you dress and act, then nothing anyone says to you should sway you from being that way.  That being said, there is a HUGE difference between having a positive attitude and being straight up delusional.

We all learned growing up that if someone makes fun of you, it's 100% because they are jealous of you and that's it.  Period.  They want to be you and they want everything you have and that is the sole purpose that they have anything negative to say about you.  Wrong.  Wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong.  That is only true about .00001% of the time, at least that's the way it is in girl world.  I cannot tell you how many times I have died laughing when I see someone saying "Oh it's just because they're jealous."  I realize that it's a coping mechanism, and it's all that some people have, but if you like yourself then you shouldn't give two poops whether or not someone is jealous of you.  Some people go out in public looking like a legitimate circus clown mixed with a street walker and can't understand why people make fun of them.  "They're jealous that I look like I could fit right in with the Ringling Brothers and every prostitute in the gross part of Harlem at the same time!"  No one is jealous of that, I can assure you. 

I constantly get scrutinized for being too skinny.  Too bad for everyone else that I have zero control over how much I weigh since I have a real thyroid problem and not a made up one.  But guess what?  I absolutely love being this thin, even though I do wish I could gain enough weight to get a little junk in my trunk ;D  So people can make fun of me all they want, and it honestly doesn't phase me.  No, I don't think everyone is jealous of me and no, I don't think everyone wants to be me.  I just so happen to like myself enough that I don't need everyone else to like me too <3

Cheese and cake and cheesecake!
Jillian.

Sloppy and Shameless

First off, I'M SO SORRY I haven't written since April.  The world got in my way, and I let it knock my feet out from under me.  The good news is that I think I've gathered enough ammunition over the summer to shoot you guys a couple of really swell blogs.  So let's see how well I keep my word this time!

Due to the constant teasing/torture I endured all throughout elementary, middle and high school, I managed to build up a great personality (if I do say so myself ;D).  I'm very easy going, super down to earth, as energetic as they come, and pretty much the single most ridiculous person you will ever have the pleasure to meet.  Also, you cannot embarrass me.  I mean that in all seriousness.  If I do something stupid, I will be the first to call myself out for it.  In doing so, I have now taken away any power anyone could have over me in that sense.  You're probably thinking "Oh okay, so that sounds pretty easy."  Yeah, until you hear some of the situations I've gotten myself into.

There's a very classy young lady in me, I SWEAR.  She just so happens to be hidden under a massive pile of things that you think only happen to people on reality shows.  MTV would make a pretty penny off of me, considering I act like a legitimate fool on a daily basis for free.  If they would only send some cameras my way...

But seriously.  If you don't actually know me, you probably think I am just a drunken train wreck.  Too bad that's not true.  I frequent the same bars and clubs on a regular basis because I am a 21 year old college student, and that's what we do.  I remember when no one knew who I was, and now I can't turn a corner without hearing someone gossiping about me.  The really funny part of this is that most of the things they say are true, which kills me because they think they are really just getting me good when actually I was just telling that story not even 5 minutes before.  I think my favorite was when I went out a few weeks after my 21st birthday.  I was waiting in line for the bathroom at my favorite bar when I hear some girls choking to death and pointing at me.  I just kind of looked at them with my big ol eyes because I was trying to come up with my plan of helping them not die since they were clearly in some sort of trouble with all their coughing.  Oh but no, they were laughing really attractively.  Thank Jesus.  Anyway, they started saying something about me peeing in a parking lot or something on my birthday.  I would have just been like "Whatevz." but they were going over the top with it.  So I loudly say "OH, are you referring to how I stayed the night with my boyfriend the night of my 21st birthday and peed all over him while I was blacked out while we were sleeping in his sister's bed?  If that's what you were talking about, then get your story straight next time."  Then some guy with dreadlocks high fived me.  Like, whatever.  It happened and I honestly think it's disgustingly trashy and gross, but it's too funny not to tell people. 

I also like meeting new people that know me, but I don't know them.  There's always that point in the conversation where they go "Okay, I have GOT to ask you about this to see if it's true..."  Yep, it probably is, and I'm okay with that.  I feel like a small town tabloid celebrity and it gives me the giggles.  I'd rather be the way I am than be completely boring, because then I would be lonely.  Everyone wants to hang out with a crazy girl, but with crazy usually comes actual craziness.  Thank baby Jesus I'm just a hot mess when I drink AND that I'm a happy slop when I drink.  No problems over in this neck of the woods.  I think I actually have a good thing going for me, because I've honestly never been as happy as I've been since I decided I just legitimately couldn't care less about anyone who tries to bring me down.  I also appreciate my decision to put people on blast when they piss me off, since 9 times out of 10 I do nothing to bring it on myself.  Believe it or not, that usually brings me closer to that person because they decide really quickly that I'm not a good enemy to have since I'm no fun to fight with because I just make everyone look stupid, and I'm not even about to go causing a scene in public.  I actually do kind of wish someone would show up at my house trying to fight me though.  If I knew they were coming, I would honestly dress up in full indian gear and meet them at their car door with my dad's bow and arrow pointed directly at their throat.  No one wants to f**k with a skinny girl dressed like a Native America, no siree. 

I forgot what I even started writing about.  This whole blog was crap, and I'm sorry for that.  I just needed a little warm up.  Promise the next one will be better!

Pancakes and pandas!
Jillian.

Monkey See, Monkey Do

Okay, I know that everyone says that "imitation is the sincerest form of flattery."  Well this is true, if you are given credit where credit is due.  "Hey Jill, your boots are gross and they make me puke." *ONE WEEK LATER* (Same girl who told me my boots were ugly) "OMGEEBUS GUYZ.  I just bought these totally unique boots and I have never seen/heard of/thought of anyone wearing them before me!  BLAHAHAHA! Isn't this so amazing that I'm super original?!"  BOOM.  That was me shooting you with a gun.  Not really.  I've never even shot a gun, which is a good thing, because I'm a pretty angry person.

This used to happen to me on a daily basis in high school.  Especially whenever skinny jeans very first started showing up in magazines.  I bought a pair from like, American Eagle or something, and EVERYONE made fun of me for wearing them.  Too bad they were the hot new trend the next year, huh guys?  Oh, but too bad for me, because no one listens to me when I'm alerting everyone of a new and upcoming trend or something.

Now I'm dealing with this problem with my photos shoots that I do.  Every shoot I have done has been either premeditated by the photographer or myself and if it is inspired by something, we will list it as such.  Never have we ever taken someone else's work and said "You know what?  Let's buy this exact shirt, skirt, pair of tights, pair of heels, and lipstick and do your hair just like this and do this exact pose and then photoshop the sheeeeet out of it so it looks just 100% exactly like this one that someone already did!"  No.  That is stealing.  And it's not being creative. 

So needless to say, it amuses me when I see people who end up with pictures from photo shoots that look E.X.A.C.T.L.Y. like mine do.  AND they come in a timely manner, like within a few weeks after I post the new shots, sooooo that's kind of hard to deny.  It's also kind of hard to deny when half my friend list on facebook messages me about it saying "Holy Guacamole did you see Copycat Caren's pictures?!  They're like, super mega similar to yours that you JUST put up like 8 days ago!"  Yeah, friend.  I did see that.  Thanks for just confirming my suspicion.  At least I get paid for what I do.  So even if my work is getting stolen, at least I actually made some c@$h m0n3yy. 

I can't think of anything else to say.  Forgive me -_-

Cherry pie and whipped cream <3
Jillian.

Kwitcherbitchin

"If you want to be happy, then be."

Everyone is allowed to be sad and everyone is allowed to hate their life every once in a while.  It's normal and it's healthy.  What is not normal and healthy (and also hella annoying) is when someone can do NOTHING but be sad and complain about how everything in their life has gone to the dogs and they have nothing to live for and no one makes them happy and all that jazz.  It wouldn't be that bothersome to me, except these people choose to vent their issues to me 24/7 and then get on my case if I stop talking to them about it.  Hey, guess what?  STFU.  I don't really care that much about your "problems", because you don't actually have any.  If you did, I could try and be a little more sympathetic about it, I really could.  But it gets pretty tedious that I wake up hearing about how your life sucks, I go through my day hearing about how your life sucks, I go to bed hearing about how your life sucks, and then at random times I hear about how I'm not replying to your texts about how your life sucks.  My life does not revolve around your childishness, and I'm not even about to make it that way.

You know why your life isn't as bad as you think it is?  Number one: You have a cell phone OBVIOUSLY because you constantly harass me with it.  You're already doing exceedingly better than most of the world's population with that little fact alone.  Number two: You live in a house.  I don't care if it's not your dream home, but you have a roof over your head.  Number three:  You can talk, see, hear, walk, think, drive and make decisions.  Don't even get me started about those statistics.  Number four:  Going along with number three...YOU'RE ALIVE.

Those are in no way numbered in order of importance, just the order that they popped into my head.  And clearly that is in no way all anyone has to live for. 

And thennnn the complaint switches to "I have no friends."  Why would you?  No one in their right mind wants to be miserable, nor do they want to be around someone who refuses to just try and be happy.  It would be a completely different story if you were going through a hard time and needed a shoulder to cry on, that is completely acceptable.  However, my shoulder gets a little soggy when all someone does is use it as a tissue, and I can only take so much before I'm waterlogged to the point of just dropping you out of my life for good.  This brings me back to the problem I have about wanting to fix everyone.  I hate accepting the fact that some people are just broken and cannot make themselves see the bright side of things.  Even when I have been at my absolute lowest point in my life, I have been able to see the silver lining to the dark cloud that was hanging over me.  I'm not the most positive person ever, but I do look at things realistically and know that every little "bad" thing that happens to me isn't the end of anyone's world, including mine.

The worst part of all this, is the fact that I've tried to talk to these people about how they insist on being miserable.  And God knows I'm VERY nice about it, since I hate hate hate hurting people's feelings.  I do like to talk things out though...anyway.  You know what their reaction is?  "Well then you're not my friend anymore."  Okay.  So now you have no friends.  Good job.  Trust me, the only thing that will change now that we "aren't friends" anymore is that I don't have to get woken up 45 times in the middle of the night because you constantly call and text me.  So I guess I should say thank you.  I won't lose any sleep over it...LITERALLY ;D

Chocolate, chocolate, and chocolate! >:]
Jillian.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE YELLING ABOUT

I don't like to beat around the bush, nor do I like to play childish games.  I have no control over what anyone does except me, myself, and I.  Now that I've said that, on to the main point of this blog.

Why would you ever intentionally start an argument with someone?  Especially by saying "You know what you did" or "You know why I'm mad at you".  Nope, can't say that I do.  And now that you started off the conversation like that, I immediately stopped caring about whatever it is you are trying to argue with me about.  I am a little bit too busy to sit around and play guessing games with you, so how about we just skip that whole segment and you just tell me what's bothering you? 

What's even worse than this though, is when someone isn't actually smart enough to continue the argument that they started and they start pulling random insults out of the air and throwing them at you.  "I am so mad at you for going to the movies without me!"  "Well, you didn't answer my call when I told you we were leaving."  "You look like a turd with a Jew nose!"  Yeah okay.  That makes a ton of sense.  That's not a real thing that's happened, but I mean I wouldn't be surprised if it really did.  I actually kind of like arguing with idiots though because their face gets all red and they start stomping around and sweating and I'm laughing on the inside.  I also like when someone tries to argue with me over something they do not even know the smallest bit of information about.  "Hi, I'm Jill.  My mom is a Nurse Practitioner, so I have a marginal knowledge about the medical field."  "Hey Jill, did you know that you can't get the chicken pox more than once?"  "Oh, actually you can.  That's just an old wives tale."  "NOPE YOU CAN'T BECAUSE MY NEIGHBOR'S CAT TOLD ME SO.  AND YOU LOOK LIKE A TURD WITH A JEW NOSE."  Kind of going along with this, I also like it when someone tries to agree with everything I say just to seem smart, which I catch onto and then decide to mindfk them.  I'll say a bunch of facts and then one big fat lie and they're all "Omg yahhh! That's sooo right!"  Like this one time I was talking to my friends from high school and I started making up some random situation just to see what they would say and they were like "Ohhh I remember that!  That was so crazy!"  Yeah, that would have been so crazy if it would have actually happened, which it didn't.

Arguments are one thing, but fights are not for me.  If anyone ever told me they were going to fight me, I would either A) Get a baseball bat and knock them out. B) Spray them with my pepper spray, then get a baseball bat and knock them out.  or C) Call my dad, who would bring a baseball bat to knock them out.  But really, fighting is so trashy, especially girl fights.  I hate watching them because whoever is actually fighting just looks like a big dumb spider monkey swinging their arms all over the place.  Although, this one time in high school...and this really happened by the way.  These two 'bigger' girls got into it outside the cafeteria.  They were kind of just hopping around in a circle while everyone was standing around waiting for something to happen.  Then we all got the shock of our lives.  One of the girls (who never really moved much, let alone displayed any sort of athletic ability) straight up scissor kicked the other girl in the chest.  Oh. Man.  I'm pretty sure I dislocated my jaw when I saw that, because I didn't think anyone actually knew how to scissor kick, let alone would think to whip out that move in the Quad after lunch.  The fight was pretty much over after that, but I will never forget the majesty and awe I felt afterward.  (I actually forgot about that whole situation until I started writing this blog, but that last little sentence spiced things up a bit, so oh well).

Margaritas and rock candy!
-Jillian.

I Hope You Choke

A lot of little things annoy me.  A LOT.  Examples being people tapping their feet, people popping their gum, people drumming with their pencils like they are Ringo Starr or some sh!t like that, people sniffling instead of blowing their noses, people breathing too loudly, people who burp constantly, people who make as much noise as humanly possible with whatever they are doing, people who text during movies, people who smell bad...the list is literally endless.  However.  If I had to choose one thing that I could put at the top of the list of things that make me want to strangle about 89% of people on the planet...*drum roll*...

THE WAY PEOPLE EAT.  OH. MY. GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.

I absolutely cannot stand people who eat loudly, chew with their mouths open, make smacking noises, slurp their drinks/soups, and people who eat like they haven't eaten in 400 years and are literally starving to death and must eat as quickly and loudly as humanly possible.

My least favorite place to go on the earth is the movie theater, because I always get stuck by everyone who is eating their first meal in months, everyone who is chewing gum with their big mouths gaping open, and everyone who insists on gnawing on every last ice cube in their drink, but they still have to shake the whole cup so that all the ice spills on their face and makes the sound of an avalanche every 3 or so seconds.  If I never went to the movies again, I would be completely okay with that.  I have found myself in so many situations where I am so blind with rage by the time the movie ends over some person crunching on popcorn and shredding their FKN NOISY BAG of Twizzlers that I literally couldn't begin to tell you what the plot of the whole movie was, or even what movie I was there to see in the first place.  GET IT TOGETHER YOU HEATHENS.

God must have really been testing my patience today, because he was being a mischievous little trickster towards me.  I got to my nutrition class tonight at 6 and saw a heaping pile of random food on the table by the door.  I really should have just left right then and there, but I'm trying to be a good student -_-  Anyway, so guess what nutrition class was today?!  EVERYONE GOT TO EAT THE LOUDEST FOOD KNOWN TO MAN.  And guess who I sit by?  THE FATTEST PERSON IN THE CLASS THAT ALWAYS HAS TWO SMOOTHIES FROM SMOOTHIE KING AND ABSOLUTELY MUST BASICALLY SUCK THE CUP THROUGH THE STRAW EVEN WHEN THE DRINK HAS BEEN LONG GONE AND FORGOTTEN BY EVERYONE ELSE BUT HIM.  I have nothing against fat people, but the fact that he is such a chunk and always has something in his mouth really makes me want to tell him to look in the mirror and decide if he really needs to inhale every last drop of that Hulk Chocolate (trademark ;D) Smoothie.  Oh, and he's a desk pencil drummer.  Go freaking figure.

So that's how my night went.  Listening to Tubbly eat about 4 helpings of all 50 different foods we had in the room.  If I had fingernails, I would have clawed my eyeballs out so someone would have had to call an ambulance to come save me.  I actually even thought about pretending to be allergic to something in one of those cakes so that I could dramatically run out of the room and get the hell out of that dungeon of torture. 

Funny enough, I'm actually too polite to tell anyone to stfu while they are eating, but don't think for one second I won't yell at someone in the theater for eating their Nestle Crunch like a damn beaver chawing down on a log.  Think about the people around you for 2.5 seconds, and how they might actually want to hear something other than the sound of bricks getting ground to dust.  And if you scrape your effing plate or bowl with a knife, fork, spoon, spork, chopstick, fingernail, tooth, anything...so help me God if I don't break it over your head.

Quiet pudding and any other silent food you can think of.
-Jillian.

Of Mice and Men

The number one problem that people face in relationships is asking too much of each other.  I can't speak from a man's point of view, but I can tell you what the typical girl thinks of when she imagines her "perfect guy".  Girls want their man to be there 100% of the time that she wants him around.  Girls want to go out on expensive dates every single night, and be showered with lavish presents every time they turn a corner.  Girls want guys to ditch their friends and family to come be around who the girl wants them to surround themselves with.  Any guy who would do this for a girl is completely immature, and any girl that would expect this from a guy is nuts.

Everyone has heard the saying about "accepting someone for what they are and not trying to change them".  Well this is absolutely wonderful advice.  A relationship isn't supposed to completely change your whole entire world, it's supposed to supplement the life you already lead.  If you meet a guy and absolutely hate his friends, it is not going to work.  I'm not saying you have to be BFF's with them and have slumber parties with them and gossip and giggle, but you do need to tolerate them and actually enjoy being around them since they aren't going anywhere.  Same goes for guys.  Girls tend to be MUCH pickier about their friend's new boyfriend, and probably aren't going to be nice until you prove that you deserve it.  That's just how it works.  That means guys, you have a lot of good impressions to make!  Even more important than friends are parents.  If you are on good terms with your parents and they aren't on board with the relationship, you might as well not even try to continue it. 

I really think more people should appreciate experiences rather than material things.  The way my brain works is that I immediately think of how much thought went into something rather than how big the price tag is.  If someone bought me a freakishly expensive dinner and then gave me some huge diamond necklace or something, I guarantee you they spent more time worrying about how much all this was going to cost rather than how much I would actually like it.  I would much rather get a handwritten letter in the mail or have a guy surprise me at my house with a picnic basket and tell me that we were going to have lunch in my backyard.  THAT is what would make an impact on me.  Of course spending a little money here and there isn't awful, but you certainly shouldn't break the bank on a daily basis.

Another thing I think people don't hold in high enough regards is first impressions.  I always let people know exactly what I'm about and I don't try to tailor my interests just to impress them.  Of course finding a common bond is a plus, but find more than one.  Running out of things to talk about is terrible and awkward and can completely ruin something that could have been great.  But if the spark just isn't there, then don't try to force it.

Above everything else, trust is the single most important thing in any friendship or relationship that you could ever hope to have.  You should trust others enough to know that you can talk to them about anything.  You should trust others enough to make the best decisions in any situation and not have to question their every move.  You should trust others to always give you all of themselves, and you should accept them at their best and worst.  Most importantly, you should trust yourself in your decision to be with someone and treat them like you would want to be treated. 

Never promise someone something you can't give them, and don't promise something you are unsure of or unwilling to do.  Never promise anything when the relationship is at its best, and never make a decision about the relationship with it's at its worst.  Never promise you won't argue over small differences or that you will never ever forget to call.  Never promise to be perfect, because no one can be that.  Just promise to try your very best, because that's all anyone should ever ask for.

Kittens and kisses.
-Jillian.

Hippo Crazy

I am pretty self aware, even thought it may seem like I'm not.  One thing that I try my most very hardest not to be is a hypocrite.

I have a handful of enemies on this planet that no matter what they said or did to try and change that, I would never have them as my friend because the way they have treated me is unforgivable.  This is saying a lot, since I forgive everyone entirely too easily.  Even though I consider a few people my enemies, the way I choose to handle myself around them is to just pretend like they aren't even there.  If I went to a restaurant and they were my waiter, it wouldn't make one bit of a difference to me.  I would just treat them as if I didn't know them.  What I can't stand, is when someone that knows we are not on good terms chooses to pretend like they have no idea about this.  I've had many situations where a few of these people run up to me and give me a huge hug like we are best friends forever.  I ask them to please leave me alone, and I walk away.  Some of them have texted me.  I politely ask them to delete my number out of their phones.  Some of my friends are actually friends with these people, and I don't care.  They don't talk about them, and neither do I.  If they bring them up in conversation, I just smile and nod and then change the subject.  I respect them enough to not run my mouth about them, but I also have no intention of ever making any attempt what so ever to try and have a friendship with them.

All that being said, I hate when people in my life pride themselves on being "bad asses" who do nothing but bad mouth everyone that isn't them or the people in the room with them.  What I hate more than that though is when someone "hates" someone so much that they "hope they die", and then a few days later they are best friends forever.  I'm not saying that people can't change or fix their past problems, but to go from such polar opposites is a little extreme to me.  That's why I try not to say I hate anyone, because I really don't.  I hate people's actions, and I hate the way people behave, but I don't hate any human. 

A lot of people don't actually know half the things they should about me.  I have many more problems in my life than I let on to, because the majority of them are in the past but still affect me and have shaped who I am today.  If anyone has a reason to hate anyone, it would be me.  The VERY few people who know what I'm referring to agree with me, and honestly can't see why I don't hate these people who have done certain things to me.  These very few people also know that I have a huge heart and want nothing more than to help all the people I can, and hating them wouldn't be conducive to either of those things.  I honestly to try to be as nice as I can be, regardless of how it may seem.  I don't go preaching about everything nice I do though, because that defeats the purpose.  It gets hard to keep quiet about it though when people try and call me out on it. 

I try to keep in mind that no one is perfect and everyone has flaws, and maybe these hypocrites have no idea how they are coming across to others, just as I'm sure I do things that make me look like a hypocrite.  I'm trying to be more tolerant and patient when it comes to things like this, but changing takes a little bit of time.

Ice cream and waffle cones.
-Jillian.

Equal Shmequal

Everyone knows the historic truth that men are allowed to sleep around, and women aren't.  Hey Mr. Friend, you've slept with everyone in the tri-county area? GOOD FOR YOU!  *Fist pumps for hours*  Little Lady, you lost your virginity to your boyfriend of 4 years and then had a one night stand a month after you broke up?  BOO YOU WHORE.  *Shunned by everyone she has ever known*

Am I right, or am I right?  Okay, that was a bitty bit of an exaggeration, but you guys know what I'm getting at.

Anyway, back to the complaining.  This is not a new problem that many of us have encountered, and if you think you haven't seen it in action, you are lying to yourself.  Currently, I am dealing with this, because everything is going wrong in my life right now.  Case in point: I have been single for two weeks and 3 days.  I have gone on about 6 dates and let some gentlemen pay for my food.  I haven't kissed a single person, held anyone's hand, and barely given a two-armed hug to anyone without boobs.  The world being as it is, I am currently under fire for trying to move on.  What exactly am I supposed to do?  Sit in my room all day and write sad love songs and cry big cartoon tears and carve broken hearts into the walls?  I don't think so, jerk.  On the flip side, He Who Shall Not Be Named is posting all over everything that he is "putting his penis into anything with a hole." (Actual quote from an actual text...not my words).  How do I know this?  Because my phone is constantly vibrating with news of what he is doing in his life.  How is this relevant to me as of now?  I'll tell you how, it's not. 

BACK TO THE POINT.  Promise I won't get off track again <3

I am a single 21 year old woman who enjoys a nice guy with a stiff..................drink.  How am I doing anything wrong or abnormal to what someone in my position is supposed to do?  I actually think I am handling myself pretty well considering that over 100 male persons (yes I counted, and that is a real number) are currently texting my phone asking me for sexy play time.  Don't ask me how half of them got my number, because I have no earthly idea. 

I got off track again.  Forgive me 8 pound 6 ounce baby Jesus.

I don't think it is attractive or becoming of a person when I find out that they have slept with 98% of the people I have ever met in my whole entire life.  Honestly, I don't see why anyone would even want that.  And actually, now that I think about it, I don't see why anyone would praise someone for being like that.  I feel really bad for girls who are victims to boys who chose to try to sleep with everyone they can get their hands on.  Sure you feel special for the couple minutes of the awkward, sweaty, animal nastiness that takes place, but afterward all you really are is just a notch in his bedpost.  So now you ask me, "Jillian, what if this exact situation happened to me and now we are dating?!  You are wrong lady friend!"  Guess what.  Once a man bear pig whore, always a man bear pig whore.  I'm not saying people can't change, but God knows they don't change overnight, unless you are living in a Nicholas Sparks novel.  Which you probably aren't.  It is a super nice thought though, and you know what?  If you are the rare case who found your soul mate this way, then I am genuinely happy for the both of you.  Actually, I am happy for EVERYONE who has a wonderful relationship full of love and trust and truthfulness.  (There I go bringing up my trust issues again -_- )  I wish we were all that lucky.  I guess what I'm trying to say with all this is even though it's not okay to be a whore, women should be accepted as being allowed to be just as big of slutty sluts as men are.  So to all you women:  Whore around if you want, and don't give a damn what people say when they call you out on it.  If they do call you out on it, just tell me, and I'll write a blog about them ;D

Just don't be silly, wrap your willy!
Jello shots and sugar cookies <3
-Jillian.

Extreme Makeover: Home (Wrecker) Edition

Contrary to popular belief, all women are not home wreckers.  Even more contrary to even more popular belief, not all single women want your measly boyfriend.

I have been constantly dealing with this for the past 3 or 4 years, and now that I'm newly single, I am now the target of even more drama and accusations that have zero relevance to me or my life.  I won't mention specific examples to protect what little integrity any of these people have left, but I will get pretty darn close to it.

I have no control over what people say to me, whether it be in person, on facebook, over text messages, by carrier pigeon, in airplane exhaust written across the sky, by message peed into the snow, anything.  If you are a man who tells me you are single, your facebook says you are single, you have no pictures with you and another girl...what exactly is supposed to lead me to believe you actually have a secret girlfriend?  So, that being said, why accuse me of trying to break up you and your boyfriend whenever he is the one being massively inappropriate to me?  To make matters better, I don't even respond to people who are married or dating someone, because I'm not all about trying to make everything with a penis be mine and only mine. 

Now that I got that off my chest...

Going along with the above statement, I have always had an inner debate on what the right thing to do in this situation would be: Say a man who is married or dating someone seriously or casually straight up asks you to sleep with them?  My first instinct is to punch them in the wiener and call their wife/girlfriend and tell on them.  BUT.  Guess what?  The wife/girlfriend doesn't look at you like the savior of her from a horrible person, or even as a nice human being.  She looks at you like a home wrecker who is rubbing it in her face that her man is trying to run around behind her back.  And then guess what she does?  She goes right back to her fellow because that's all she knows how to do.  I know some girls are crazy and fabricate stories and try to make it look like some guy they want is cheating on his girlfriend, but if there is cold hard evidence of multiple text messages or emails or facebook IM's from your beloved Mr. Nice Guy, seriously?!  You can't not believe that...

Which is why I decided a long time ago to just press the delete button as soon as anything like that happens.  People make mistakes.   I give most guys the benefit of the doubt and tell myself that they are either totally wasted from taking 357 shots of Jager or that someone has hacked into their account and tried to ruin their lives.  I like to think that's what happens, anyway.  Beware though, because if your girlfriend asks me if you've ever tried to come onto me, I'll tell her the cold hard truth, because that is exactly what I would want someone to do for me.  But I'm that rare breed of girl who would actually look into something like that if someone ever brought it to my attention instead of immediately dismissing it as some insane whore just trying to break me and whoever up...but then again I also have trust issues, but that's a whole 'nother blog that will be written later ;)

Unicorns and sweet tea to everyone!
-Jillian.

I Came...............to the World of Blogging

So I really hope people read this thing since I'm taking the time to write it.

As probably all the people who are reading this know, I do a lot of facebooking, and I need somewhere else to do my ranting besides my statuses, since 420 characters is not nearly enough space for me to gripe.
I want you guys to ask for my opinions on things.  I want you guys to ask me what I think and how I see the world.  I want you guys to interact with me as much as possible, since I would really like to write a good long post every day.  I also promise to try my VERY hardest to only write on here once a day, since y'all know how much I like to talk ;D  Anyway, this first post will be a little addition to a pretty popular status I posted earlier today, so here goes nothing.

"Why in the world would you EVER take advice from someone who is widely known to be nothing more than a trashy idiot who can't keep anyone in their life for more than a week?  Words of wisdom for the day: If someone's life is a complete trainwreck, clearly they can't handle themselves, so why let them handle you too?" 

That's the status I posted earlier today (technically yesterday now since it's almost 2am, but I'm still awake, so whatever) that everyone seemed to agree with and what not.  Standing up for myself has always been a major part of my life.  I don't mean in the sense that I feel the need to try and justify everything I do to everyone, but I do feel the need to stick to my morals.  I am one of the most open minded people you will ever meet, that is for sure.  I am also one of the nicest, contrary to popular belief.  I pride myself in being a great friend to everyone that will have me as one.  SO, this little set up leads me to my main annoyance I was trying to get across with that status.  If you are having problems in your life, why would you seek advice from someone who cannot keep themselves in check for more than about 15 minutes at a time?  And on the flip side, if you are certifiably insane, why in God's name would you think you are in any position to be giving advice to ANYONE?  You have to fix yourself before you can fix anyone else.  This is something I've been dealing with the past few weeks.  Being the good friend that I am, I like to give advice, and from what I hear I'm pretty good at it, or at least I must be because people keep asking for it ;)  Anyway, I haven't been at my full potential these past couple of weeks, and still am not, but I'm trying my very best to get back there.  I like to help people and would never ever ever intentionally lead someone down the wrong path, even if they were my worst enemy.  Needless to say, it's really the hardest thing for me to have to stand back and watch someone run their life into the ground knowing that I could possibly do something to help them.  This is another problem I have: trying to help those who don't want to be helped.  There is a difference between someone who doesn't want to be helped and someone who is hard to help.  I like a good challenge, but I can't fathom the idea that someone wouldn't listen to good advice when it's staring them in the face.  I've always been good at removing myself from my situations and making level headed decisions, and I like to help other people try and do that.  I practice what I preach, is what I'm trying to say.  Basically, if I had to sum all of this up...I like to help people, I can't stand when someone won't let me help them, but I can't stand it more when people purposely ruin other's lives.  Hopefully things will get better for me and for my friends and for Japan and the world and dogs and all that.  Everything needs to just get back to being normal, because I'm tired of this feeling in my stomach that something really bad is always about to happen.  I'm out of things to say for now, so hopefully this post wasn't a complete disaster.

Love and puppies and cupcakes and whatever else makes you happy.
-Jillian.